


Full of Myself (But he's full of me)

by AstalEldu



Series: AstalEldu's Various Crack Oneshots [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Puns, Crack, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Im not even ashamed, Jen and Len ily, M/M, My First Fanfic, Parody, Smut, Smutty crack!, The Author Regrets Nothing, figures this would be my first fanfic ever lol, vine and meme refs, yes the title is a sex pun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:52:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstalEldu/pseuds/AstalEldu
Summary: Finally the brunette and the blacknette were alone in the room.Lance raised his beautiful, thin rope-like eyebrows at keith. "Hey Keef, how bout we do the do, seal the deal, pop the cherry, ya know ?"Keith stood with his arms crossed like the broody emo that he is. His face lit up like a rich white neighbourhood at christmas time at Lance's words. "Oh yah ? You ready for my monstrous 25 inches hot rod to wreck you like the lil cuban slut you are ?" the half-galra, half-texan, half-korean, half-queerbait etc. said.Lance gulped audibly, aroused.





	Full of Myself (But he's full of me)

**Author's Note:**

> The first fic i ever wrote and it's cracky smut lmao figures. I was enabled by a discord server hehehe
> 
> This is heavily inspired by all common tropes, clichés and stereotypes one can find in fics :).
> 
> Big shoutout to two of my discord buddies/darlings, gave me some awesome lines and helped me write this, Jen who also helped me with the title who can be found here @jenners1207 and @lookingglassheart1207 on tumblr; and to Len @sparkeith on ao3 @cryptkeith on tumblr. Luv u 2 MVPs <3
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy :D

Finally the brunette and the blacknette were alone in the room.

 

Lance raised his beautiful, thin rope-like eyebrows at keith. "Hey Keef, how bout we do the do, seal the deal, pop the cherry, ya know ?"

 

Keith stood with his arms crossed like the broody emo that he is. His face lit up like a rich white neighbourhood at christmas time at Lance's words. "Oh yah ? You ready for my monstrous 25 inches hot rod to wreck you like the lil cuban slut you are ?" the half-galra, half-texan, half-korean, half-queerbait etc. said.

 

Lance gulped audibly, aroused. The closeted bisexual (duh, dreamworks can't reveal it, kids would be infected with homo-ness) nearly wet himself in excitment even though that would be disgusting. Ew, Lance. Get ahold of yourself.

 

They stared at each other hotly, nearly as hot as the Red Lion's fire beam. You could cut the sexual tension in the room with Lance's sword bayard, but that's not likely to happen as it appeared and disappeared faster than my will to live.

 

Then after 2 minutes of sexily staring into the other’s shining orbs, they both rushed at each other (like a pair of yalmors, as Coran would say) and immediately started sucking the other’s lips like there was no tomorrow. (But as Keith is quote unquote the future so there will be a tomorrow, do not worry).

 

They swapped their saliva with as much eagerness as kids trading pokemon cards, which is to say, a lot. If you played the obviously lesser game, Yu-Gi-Oh well, same thing. 

 

K eith pulled back, panting. He took a moment to catch his breath enough to be able to speak. Then, he yelled "FORM SWORD !" intensely with conviction, as his erection began to grow, before capturing lance's lips again.

 

Lance moaned and moaned, while Keith merely grunted because that’s more manly and top-like attitude and smut always has stereotypes like this. Get used to it my pal. 

 

Lance’s hands roamed on Keith’s body like a bodyguard doing a security check at an airport. So yeah he groped everywhere possible….. even on the red-black-marmora-black paladin’s man meat and buns.

 

This only spurred on Keith’s furry- oops, galran possessive side.He aggresively gripped Lance’s hair and proceeded to suck harder on the Cuban’s swirling tongue. They were nearly glued together at this point. 

 

Lance somehow magically (altean alchemy anyone ? insert eyes emoji) took off their paladins armor and chucked it off to the side like Allura yeeted Lotor. Keith handled Lance over to the sofa and threw him on it like he would with his sword at an enemy - without restraint and with a stare that could kill. Actually, it did kill something- the last shreds of doubts that Lance was not Gay for Him. 

Somewhere inside Lance’s mind, his inner squidward screamed “Oh no he’s hoooot !”.

Keith teared off his toyboy’s undersuit at the waist. Keith, didn’t Allura tell you not to waste resources and clothes? Jfc.

 

Lance looked so flushed everywhere that you could hardly see any of his billions of freckles fan artists always draw on him. Sweat drops shining like in any remotely well drawn Boylove Manga started forming atop his lustrous pores.

 

Keith pushed Lance’s underwear aside and took his peepee in hand as one would do. He shook it like a mini whip on his stomach. Or like a gear box if you like cars.

 

Keith jumped right in on that fresh red hot glistening donger. Lance was so aroused that he could barely resist blasting like a shaken up too hard and too fast Coke bottle. 

He began to lick it vigorously. Same as when you lick melting ice cream on the cone, you see.

 

“Hmmmmmm, ah~” the cuban said as he moaned like a cat meowing for his meal two hours sooner than usual like a drama queen. “Suck my dingus harder, oppa !” 

 

Keith somehow managed to answer through his dick eating contest. “You want me to do that, huh Lance-chan ?” as he said that he deep-esophagused him. Lance screamed loudly “Keith-senpaiiii ~” as he climaxed.

 

“Huh, you didn’t last long, Lance,” Keith said with a husky voice. With his thoughts wandering to his first ever Sonic OC, Lance pressed out “Gotta go fast!” while huffing some sexy breaths. Now that he thought about it Keith’s galra form vaguely resembled it…. Anyway.

 

Keith expertly gulped the cum down like the first cool drink of water on a hot day. Yes, he’s that thirsty for it. 

 

Lance was pretty exhausted even though he just sat there and basically did nothing but no chance in hell was he going to let that purple alien sausage go. He said to Keith : “Ready for the main event, my buddy, my man, my future ?”

 

Keith smiled and grabbed the magically appearing lube bottle. It’s space technology, don’t question it. He prepared Lance’s manhole and it made squishy sloshy sounds.

 

He then lined up his diggity dongery schlong with Lance’s gaping, cock-needy boypussy.

Feeling his hot, pulsing dingus fit in just fine like a foot in an old sock was one of the most intense experiences in his life.

 

Keith growled like an angry kitty getting his favorite toy stolen and had to resist wrecking and painting in white Lance’s insides right there. “Babe,” he panted, “you’re so tight !” he said unoriginally using one of the most common phrases found in explicit fics. 

 

The blue paladin arched his back an cried out in pleasure. ‘Dios mios,’ he thought, ‘this is almost as good as eating garlic knots and going out in the rain.’ Getting impatient, he said wantonly to his man : “You can start moving, cowboy !”.

 

Keith grinned like the clown from It at this. “Oh, you don’t need to tell me twice.” He began to thrust slowly, but quickly sped up as it was very satisfying. The sounds of Keith’s balls bouncing back and forth, jiggling in the manner of anime boob physics, echoed around the room. As you can probably guess it was very obscene.

 

They’re going at it missionary style, if you can’t figure out which position they ended up in. First world problems; guessing sex position in fics, am I right ?

 

Lance keened as Keith aggressively striked his man clit. “Oh- oh, keep going, aah, yes ! Riiiight there, good shit ! Hmmmhm, good shit if I do say so myself !”

 

Please don’t judge Lance too harshly, quoting memes on the daily is his life goal.

 

Keith kept on pounding his meat and went even harder than before. “Hmm… you’re so good to me baby. Taking my body bayard, Keith Junior like this… You’re so sexy.” 

 

Lance flushed at this, embarrassed. Partly because of the compliment, and also because of the frankly weird nickname Keith gave to his man member.

 

Feeling that he was about to shoot his load, Lance began to moan even more. “I’m nearly there, babe ! I feel it coming ! Nghh,” he began to see stars. Then, after a few more savage thrusts, he sharpshooted his load on his stomach.

 

Keith’s shaft felt the muscles contracting in his boo’s bum. A few more hip jerks, and he shouted “Yeehaaaw !” as he spent himself in Lance’s pulsing backdoor.

Keith pulled out and they both collapsed like boneless blobs on the sofa.

 

“Whew, almost wish we could go for another round, but we’re both way too spent,” Lance exhaled softly as he inspired, breathed out, and inspired, and breathed out.

 

Keith, getting up and sitting on the other side of the sofa, softly mumbled : “Maybe if this was an omegaverse fic…”

 

“What was that, kitten ?”

 

“Oh, nothing.”

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue this someday, but i'll see if i have a lot of ideas or not. So for now i'll leave the 1/1 chapter :D
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this. Don't hesitate to tell me what your favorite lines are !


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